Matriarchy Rising
A Deconstructing Woman Reflects on Power, Patriarchy, and the Return to Balance
For those who celebrate traditional Mother’s Day, this writing may not serve you. But if you’re willing to stay and listen to what this day means to a woman deconstructing, you are welcome here.
I’m grateful that my mother is still here. When this is posted on Mother’s Day, I’ll be with her, traveling to see grandsons’ soccer games and visiting my daughter. Multi-generations enjoying our time together, as we are keenly aware that we don’t know how many more Mother’s Days we have with her.
She’ll laugh at my silly card, the inside saying “Mom, thanks for not selling me to the circus!”- an homage to the long-time family jokes of being sold off to the circus if we didn’t behave. We’ll no doubt share a meal, then she’ll nod off while I drive her home. More memories made, assuaging my anticipatory grief as my inner child can’t imagine life without my mom in it.
But enough of that for now. She’s still here, feisty and sassy as ever, in case you ever wondered where my salty comebacks came from. Mother’s Days are just different now. Growing up in the 60s, there were a few days when extracurriculars were not scheduled—Christmas Day, Easter Sunday, and Mother’s Day. To do so was sacrilegious. NASCAR traditionally didn’t run races on Mother’s Day, opting instead for a Saturday race. Kids’ activities were sparse, leaving room for the customary Mother’s Day brunch or maybe a spa day.
Times have changed, and that’s why we’ll be on the road instead of planning visits at home. We’re okay with it. Times do change, as do people. I’m not the same person who would hold out my hand to receive the traditional white rose during church services on Mother’s Day. I began to dread those Sundays, hinting at the inner struggles I was experiencing that would one day be a full-blown deconstructing journey. I had become aware of the women who skipped church on Mother’s Day, overcome with grief at the passing of their own mothers, and no space in the service for that grief. For the woman incapable of having the children she so desperately wanted, watching as the flowers passed her by, one more year. For the woman who didn’t feel safe to come out to a church family that would tell her that her “lifestyle” was a sin in God’s eyes. For the woman who never wanted to have children but had done so much good in the world, working with children, rescuing unwanted pets, cleaning a neighbor’s lawn. For the woman whose child was taken from her by a horrible disease, when all she did for months was pray to her God that her child would be healed. All silently enduring the ritual of honoring the mothers, strictly defined as “the woman who has borne children.” I couldn’t help but see their faces, even though they were missing in churches on those Sundays. I, too, stopped attending in silent solidarity with their suffering. It wasn’t something I spoke about, nor wanted accolades for. I just did it, a testament to the early stages of awakening when one can’t unsee what one now sees.
If Mother’s Day is meaningful to you, you may take offense at my story. I’ll first gently remind you that I said, “This writing may not serve you.” None of what I share is to take away from the joy one has when honored with a rose or a candle at church on Mother’s Day. Two things can be true, but the truth is that the burden of carrying out deconstructing without acknowledging it in small ways was becoming too much for me. Only in hindsight do I recognize those tiny rebellions as the earliest signs of deconstructing.
And the truth is, Mother’s Day in 2026 is far removed from the Mother’s Day Anna Jarvis desired. It certainly didn’t begin as a commercial holiday. But give Americans enough time, and we’ll figure out how to blanket the most sacred of events with capitalism. Mother’s Day is no exception. Jarvis intended it to be a day to honor her mother, who had organized women’s groups focused on health, care, and community healing after the Civil War. In 1914, Woodrow Wilson officially established it as a national holiday. Ironically, Anna Jarvis later became one of Mother’s Day’s strongest critics, condemning how quickly it was commercialized—reduced to flowers and cards—rather than remaining a day centered on the impact that women have not only on their families, but in communities.
Enter the Matriarchy
Somewhere in my deconstructing journey, I began questioning everything I had been taught and how it had shaped what I believed and who I was. In some ways, I had no choice. I felt as if, instead of a solid foundation, my life had been supported by really weak scaffolding that collapsed loudly and spectacularly around me. If what church had taught me to believe wasn’t true, then what else wasn’t? None of that “detangling from what no longer served my highest good” (what I’d eventually just label “deconstructing”) happened overnight. It has taken years, and it will continue for the rest of my life.
But when I began to work on my subservience to a social framework that prioritized white Christian male leadership, I began to see how this impacted my lack of self-worth and how often I willingly silenced myself in order to be compliant and viewed as the “good, godly, obedient Christian woman.”
I cringe even now typing this. Not only because of how it impacted me, but how often I modeled that for younger eyes watching me, minimizing my worth for the God-blessed order of male leadership in all things home, church, business, etc.
Within this fundamentalist Christian framework, if matriarchy had ever been mentioned, I certainly don’t remember it. If it had been, it most certainly would’ve been for teachings that maligned its structure for its defiance of “God’s natural and Biblical order.” I could easily veer into discussing the facade of “empowered” Christian women in positions of “leadership” (Hint: the quotation marks are doing a lot of work in this writing!) As I write this, memories are flooding in about women teaching on stage, women in executive church roles, women directing programs, and so on. It’s all cosplay because no woman is going to be elevated to any position of influence inside a fundamentalist, conservative environment without her being 100% compliant and obedient to Christian patriarchy. She is not a threat—she is a useful and compliant tool.
That may sound cruel, but it is the truth. While many women are content with their role and the silent agreement they make in order to be promoted within that position, they often are oblivious to the harm they cause when they are called upon to be the protector of the Christian patriarchal structure.
I’ll retreat out of that proverbial rabbit hole and return to the matriarchy, because it is being discussed in many spaces as an alternative to the Christian patriarchy that is under great strain to hold onto its power.
To get to my point, we must have a basic understanding of certain terms. For some, what I’m about to share may feel overwhelming, especially if you, like many others, believe that matriarchy is just the patriarchy replaced by women in power.
It’s nothing like that.
As we continue to navigate through the crisis within our democracy, Mother’s Day feels like the appropriate time to offer education and an invitation to expand our consciousness about the power, wisdom, and role of women within our humanity.
Once we do so, it becomes evident why the fragility of a structure that relies on intimidation, gaslighting, and even abuse—such as Christian patriarchy—fears the awakening of women stepping into their power, and the rise of matriarchy.
Matriarchy 101
What follows is simply an overview, with resources available to help you learn. Let’s start with some basic definitions:
At its root, the word matriarchy literally means “rule of mothers,” although actually being a mother isn’t the primary requirement for women in leadership within a matriarchal structure. It means a system in which women hold a birthright to rule, in which power in government, religion, law, and social structure belongs to women because they are women. The women would determine laws, shape cultural norms, control institutions, and ultimately decide how power is distributed. And while they could choose to share that power, it would still originate with them.
If this brief and overly-simplified definition of matriarchy leads you to conclude that matriarchy is the mirror version of patriarchy, keep reading. The subtext of matriarchal societies is where we find the true gift and wisdom of matriarchy, unlike those found in patriarchal structures. Since this is an overview from a deconstructing-unchurched-no-longer Christian woman, here is additional information that provides context to matriarchy:
In matrilineal societies, lineage, inheritance, and identity pass through the mother’s line. This can look like property being handed down from mother to daughter, or children taking on the identity of their mother’s family. But lineage is not the same as power; it may be an indicator of how power is established.
In matrilocal societies, a husband moves into the wife’s family home or community. This creates stability and continuity for women, but again, proximity is not the same as authority.
In matrifocal cultures, the mother is the center of the family or community—emotionally, socially, and sometimes spiritually. These cultures deeply respect women and even honor feminine life-giving energy, but reverence does not automatically translate into structural control.
This is why it’s so important to the history of matriarchal societies, as taught by those who know the stories of their ancestors. Within the resources, you will find a suggested reading list from an educator, author, and wisdom-keeper of matriarchy @Nergiz, who teaches on Substack and is crowd-funding for her upcoming book.
Spend time learning about the Minangkabau, the Haudenosaunee, the Mosuo, and the Bribri. Within each of these societies, women hold meaningful roles. They may control land, pass down lineage, select leaders, or anchor the family structure.
Each society may operate differently, but what is clear is that women are respected and hold influence over decisions that influence the well-being of their tribes or people. Many people may label these societies as egalitarian or, at times, as a partnership culture—a system where power is not concentrated in one gender but distributed in ways that allow both to contribute, lead, and influence in different yet interdependent ways.
The attempt to label ancient matriarchal structures as something other than matriarchy feels like a relabeling for the sake of assuaging those intimidated by a structure that elevates and empowers women to their rightful places in society.
I have a different take on this.
I believe that we, the ones who are deconstructing from the patriarchal indoctrinations that not only harmed us but also benefited us, are not in a position to negotiate the language surrounding the rising consciousness of matriarchy.
What I sense is happening is a resistance to accepting that education is needed to understand matriarchy. But our patriarchal structure is deeply entrenched in resisting any type of learning from women, especially Black and Brown women who carry the wisdom of their ancestors. It benefits them to continue the narrative that matriarchy is merely “women ruling over men,” and of course, based on our experience with patriarchy, that sounds threatening.
Of course, it sounds like oppression simply flipped in the other direction.
And for many of us, especially those raised in religious environments where male authority was framed as divine order, anything that sounds like a reversal of that order can feel destabilizing.
But what the research actually shows is something very different.
Across cultures, when women gain access to education, resources, and decision-making power, societies tend to become more stable, more equitable, and less violent. Families invest more in long-term wellbeing—education, health, sustainability. Communities become more collaborative, not more controlling.
In other words, nothing like patriarchy.
So when you hear us say “Matriarchy Rising”…
We are not saying we need women dominance as structured within the framework of patriarchy.
No.
We need a world where power is no longer built on control, hierarchy, and exclusion.
We need a system that feels more human.
More sustainable.
More just.
And maybe part of the work, especially for those of us healing from systems that taught us to fear anything outside of male authority, is learning to desire its return.
Not as a threat, but…
A return to balance.
A return to the wisdom of ancestors.
A coming home to the Mother.May it be so.
And to all who celebrate Mother’s Day, may you be a part of the collective consciousness awakening so that women are honored for the multitude of ways they bring life into the world.
Take your rightful place and claim your white rose.
Happy Mother’s Day.
Resources:
What if there’s no such thing?:
Matriarchies Are Not Just a Reversal of Patriarchies: A Structural Analysis by Heide Goettner-Abendroth:
https://feminismandreligion.com/2020/02/16/matriarchies-are-not-just-a-reversal-of-patriarchies-a-structural-analysis-by-heide-goettner-abendroth/
What Is “Egalitarian Matriarchy” and Why Is It So Often Misunderstood? by Carol P. Christ:
https://feminismandreligion.com/2018/04/16/what-is-egalitarian-matriarchy-and-why-is-it-so-often-misunderstood-by-carol-p-christ/
The Heroine’s Journey: Woman’s Quest for Wholeness:
https://amzn.to/4fasN20
The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love:
https://amzn.to/4uC1G4m
A reading list for a matriarchal world:
Dear Rev. Karla, you are a much needed voice today. And, you are helping everyone to see what is happening in our society, not just in our churches. What you are going through, in your deconstruction, is part of what the whole world now is experiencing in its transformation. There’s no worry that anyone or group will end up on the top of a future hierarchy. Instead, everyone will be sovereign to make decisions and find their own truths. Instead of a societal pyramid, we’ll have a societal circle. It will take years to get there, because first, all of the structure that is now rotting away and falling will need to become rubble under our feet. But, you are part of the new vanguard, heralding the way. Thank you for your right-on perspectives and voice. 👍
Rev Karla, thank you. I would like to share some of my thoughts, and eagerly welcome your reaction, even if, especially if, you see things differently.
"Bring on the Womanocracy!" is something of a tag-phrase with me. In 2020, I started attending Episcopal churches, and felt noticeable relief to see women in many leadership positions. My first 50 years were as a distressingly by-the-book Roman Catholic, and so: no women in ordained ministry. As an Episcopalian, I still avail myself of the custom/sacrament of Reconciliation, and almost invariably prefer to have a woman as a confessor.
I want to make sure that my matriarchal leanings (if they be such!) are not a kind of romanticized pseudo-feminism, like Dante calling Beatrice "a goddess." I want to do more politically, concretely, to help erode the ghastliness of what we called "male chauvinism" in the late '70s --- a comparatively innocuous term, when one considers the threat and danger it poses. I am recovering, still, from a heap-ton of unhelpful biases and assumptions, to be sure. And while my baby steps might be better than no steps or backward steps, I'm eager to learn more, to be of ever-growing teachability and helpfulness. And amendment and apology, where that is appropriate.